It is the hottest week of the year, you can’t go upstairs in the house or sleep on the bed there as it is too hot. THESE are the most perfect thing the girls could have brought – it is like being in your jammies, but only half of them because it is boiling 🙂 These are so soft and comfortable I may never take them off. Elana and Jessica will probably never ever know how grateful I am to them. Inside these soft shorts, I am wearing my first pair of clean knickers in 3 days!!  Already my baby bumb has stared to go down 😦

I don’t have any real knickers (just thongs) so there isn’t really anything to tape the pads to. They sent me home from the hospital in paper granny pants! The day that I woke up bleeding so hard, I duct taped 3 pads to a thong to try to stop all the blood which was literally pouring all over the floor. I told this story to Elana yesterday. Today, she and Jessica showed up at my door with a bunch of proper knickers – lots of delicious veggie snacks and sandwiches and a bunch of flowers. Okay, today i cried because of how grateful I was!

My friend Diamond is really into Feng Shui. She asked if I had any elephant statues. Weirdly enough, this mini one has been kicking around the house since a Christmas party 2 years ago. She said to put it in the West corner of my bedroom to help with fertility. I can’t imagine how this will actually HELP, but it isn’t going to hurt so I did it!

Dana came over just as Antoinette was leaving and fancied a glass of wine. Luckily Rewinery deliver 🙂 I could go on TV and advrtise for free about how great Rewinery is – and don’t even get me started on Amazon Prime. You can live your whole life on things delivered to your door. And the next couple of weeks, I plan to!

Antoinette came over to hang out – and she did my laundry!!!! I think I must have gone a little mad through all this because I am starting to realize how blessed I am. My friends are amazing. Dana came over after Antoinette left and we were chatting and she said it was the same for her when her brother died. You realized how much love there was in the world. I guess you have to feel grief to know that. I suppose I am lucky I have got to 40 and not felt grief :). But I feel the love now and it makes me giddy

I don’t have the cabbages round my boobs when I go into work. On the way back from buying the truck we had stopped for some Mexican food and I asked Trevor to buy the cabbages at that market. They were 8 for $1. I am hoping to make sauerkraut with all the leftover hearts, but I didn’t. We only really use the bigger outside leaves (sometimes we do jigsaw the smaller leaves together if we are running out). My boobs are so hot they actually cook the cabbage. LOVELY!

I know this is really narcissistic, but my hair has been AMAZING since I have been pregnant. It is completely different. Thicker, a little curlier. I took this picture because I wanted to document the hair – but I was vain enough to keep both versions, as I couldn’t decide which I liked better. I went to work for an hour or two today. I wasn’t supposed to go, but Chris Trottier both picked me up and dropped me off and it was a session I was hosting and really wanted to attend. Whilst I was there, I realized how ill I was, but I am still glad I did it. It is my only commitment this week. I emailed Bill and cancelled the rest of my meetings with him. I should have taken this a bit more seriously. I feel physically much worse this week than last week, although I am not crying all the time. But for the first time in my life, I pretty much do want to just stay in bed. Going in to work had a bonus – I picked up lunch and dinner for me and Trevor

Okay, I am kind of assuming by now that I am keeping this record for anyone else that goes through this – since my rocks of support are women that did something similar. These are called Methylergometrine. This is the piece I didn’t understand – and why it is only now (2 weeks after the operation) that it is more painful. I looked up the drug online. I have been trying to take as few of the pills as possible and they said only to take these ones if I bled a lot (which I didn’t), so I didn’t take them until yesterday’s fiasco when I did take one. The important part of the info seems to be this “It is most commonly used to prevent or control excessive bleeding following childbirth and spontaneous or elective abortion, but also to aid in expulsion of retained products of conception after a miscarriage in which all or part of the fetus remains in the uterus) and to help deliver the placenta after childbirth.” Since this pregnancy was so far along, it is actually known as a stillbirth not a miscarriage. (Can you believe they CLASS these things?)  A lot of people choose to go through labour and have the child named, christened, photographed, casts made of hands and feet and buried. In fact when I researched it, it looked like MOST people choose this option. I thought it was unnaturally morbid.

So I guess these drugs can either speed things up or slow them down? Awesome. It hurts a lot though. A LOT. Cramps are pretty bad. Or maybe it is just that I am so sad it seems worse? My boobs are still on fire, and I can’t get through frozen packs quick enough – and of course this is the week SF chooses to be 90 degrees. I can appreciate the irony, if not quite see the funny side today. Dear god I hope my sense of humour comes back tomorrow. I am going in to work for an hour or so (against doc’s orders, and mostly only because Chris Trottier has offered to pick me up and drop me back home!)

10/1. These arrived today from Mark Lamport (who I used to work with back in the old EA days!) I absolutely LOVE them.

Antoinette had brought gin over for us to drink by the pool at the Sofitel and we never got around to it. Trevor ended up making us a drink out of the book Steve Olson had given him as a birthday gift. It was called “Death in the Gulf Stream” and was apparently something Earnest Hemingway created as a hangover remedy (!) Well, it does have sparkling water in it – maybe that is the re-hydration part of the hangover remedy?

In case I ever want to keep score, I cried very little today – and towards the end of the week, so perhaps I really am getting better. But Sunday (when the downstairs tenant’s friend wake me up by ringing the bloody doorbell), I wake up in FLOODS of tears – and bleeding so heavily I am faint and sad and can’t walk much.