10/15. Trevor went shopping yesterday and filled the house with great things. I have no appetite, so there is natural yoghurt and berries for me to nibble on. He picked up Peligrino, so I don’t have to refill the soda stream. Everything is perfect. (There is even a bag of fresh lemons from Chris’s tree in her back garden. These will be perfect for my green juices!)

I have finally realized that this is going to take longer that I had thought. Everyone told me to expect to be off work for 6 weeks, but I just thought I would bounce back. I know now that I am not bionic. Whist I know I will come out the other side, right now all I can see is the dark. I am still bleeding a little and I still wake up crying. All I want, really, is to be asleep/unconcious. I am hosting a conference for the narrative designers tomorrow. I think I will go in and just welcome people tonight, make an opening speech and not stay for the dinner. Tomorrow, I may go in and try and host, or I may have to pass it off to someone. I will just have to see how I feel.

I asked Trevor to take a week off work and look after me. I need someone to be around. I feel like I can’t be alone. I also feel so helpless and ridiculous being like this. I haven’t got the energy to do laundry, or do the dishes, or anything really. Trevor talked to his boss (who was really understanding) and he did. He will be at home for at least a week. If I don’t feel better by then, I think Bee and Steve will take turns with me. I am embarrassed to feel this way.