10/09 My doctor suggested that I smoke pot to chill out and for the pain caused by the antibiotics. Due to the miracle of facebook, within an hour 2 friends had offered to come round and help me “chill out”. There were so many decisions to be made. A friend came over to give me lesson, but we got got high first and then I was too stoned for my “get high” lesson! Luckily, he had to go to a massage, so he could come back later and properly instruct me how I was supposed to get high. There are so many ways to get high. Who knew? I had forgotten that I used to be such a stoner back in college! I used to know a lot about it then, but we only got hash back in the days and when I moved to America, I stopped smoking. The weed over here is so strong it is insane. And I was the only one that wanted to smoke it. So I stopped smoking it and never really have. And NOW my doctor is instructing me to… and my friends are overwhelming with the details of love – trying to hone in on what type of pain are you healing, high do you want to feel, function or not functional, giggly, or not giggly!

I definitely feel like I have had an epiphany through this. I actually realized I was so sad I thought I might die. And then I felt a bit better. Maybe there really is a reason for everything. Molly swears that she saw me as the mother of twins. Maybe there is still time for that? I definitely realized today (which is more that 3 weeks afterwards), that I am having a bit of a breakdown. The pot I took was supposed to create a “cerebral effect” and I think It was the last thing I needed. What I really need is to relax. I need to take time out for a massage (I have literally used the words “I am too uptight for a massage”). The doctor (and Mags) keep recommending acupuncture – but I have yet to schedule that in. I really need to do that. I understand now what my friend meant when she says she wished she had taken some time off work to just relax and try to get pregnant. At the time, I thought she was mad, too hippie, and would never be enough of a slacker to do that.

It appears that I am going to turn into an old hippie (everything should be natural, man! 😉  .) The funny thing is, that I knew this before, I have learnt this once already. I had just got all uptight and forgotten it somehow. I wanted to make enough money to provide for the child, well… now I have. But I have put so much stress on my body doing it, that I couldn’t get pregnant. So I am actually thinking about taking a little time off work. That might be interesting.. I don’t NEED to be running around working all the time, I could take a break. But I probably won’t 🙂