Yesterday, I finally realized I am having a breakdown, I told Steve and Trevor. Steve came home in the middle of the day and just found me crying and held my hand. I called Trevor at work and asked him to come home and look after me for a couple of days. He made us a salad for dinner and we started watching a movie but I fell asleep on the sofa around 11pm and he put me to bed. I woke up at noon today (for the second time after the calming tea made me fall back asleep -yay). Trevor and I cuddled for a while before I got up to shower. Maybe cuddling can help calm you and your body down. I haven’t spent the time to just do that for a while – I always wake up and start doing something.

I have decided I need help taking care of myself. I called Jen and asked her to come and give me a massage. It is amazing. Why haven’t I done this in 10 years? Jen says in all the time she has known me (at least 9 years), I have always told her I hated massage because I couldn’t relax into them. I am going to try and relax now. I have also been thinking about trying to get to an acupuncture appointment. I don’t really want to leave the house, but Jen says that some of them will do a house call.

I am going to take at least one more week off work. I have been going into the office as much as I can (which isn’t very much). One day Chris T drove me to work and back; yesterday Tiffany gave me a lift in and I got a taxi back. I feel like I can’t face the walk right now. I am also thinking that maybe I should dial back the amount of work I am doing from home and really take a couple of days off. I can’t early next week because I am throwing a narrative conference. Thankfully, friends at work are helping to do all of the agenda and all of the paperwork for the hotel. I couldn’t do this on my own right now. I will need to be in good shape by next Monday to host it.

I have told 2 sets of friends not to come and visit me today as I still feel overwhelmed and I cancelled the dinner I was supposed to go to. I am finally getting it… I should be resting!